[Childfree] Childfree discussion

[Laura Hinds]

Well, we've been pretty delinquent in doing anything with the group but I'll put in my two cents.
 
> 1. Who should be in this group?> Who do you think should be in this group? Should we allow parents? Stepparents? Empty Nesters? What about people who have had a child but gave it up for adoption? Those who aborted? Just how childfree is childfree? Why should or shouldn’t these people be in this group?
I would agree with some of the others that current stepparents might not fit in well.  As far as empty-nesters, I think that's more grey.  I've been friends with several empty-nesters whose interests and topics of conversation very rarely include their adult children or grandchildren.  If someone like this were interested in the group and not interested in gushing over grandkids or whatever, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  I think the adoption thing is also grey.  I've known a couple people who gave up a kid as a teen and the child was not really part of their life or something they advertised.  OTOH, I've known someone who gave up a child but in an open adoption and it was sort of like they were a non-custodial parent: kept pics of the kid, talked about what the kid was up to, etc.  I don't think that would be appropriate in the context of this group, but I also don't think that sort of person would be terribly interested in a childfree group nor consider themselves childfree.  I think someone who's had an abortion/miscarriage should be fine.  Being breifly pregnant isn't the same as giving brith.
> 2. When should a person leave the group?> When do you think someone should either leave the group voluntarily or be asked to leave? When they marry a person with children? When they have a child of their own? When they adopt a child? Why? How would we know if their status has changed? 
 
I think you'd have to play it by ear.  Most folks who have a baby or adopt a baby are probably going to leave voluntarily, and not keep it a secret.  In the case of someone marrying/seriously dating a parent, I think that'd be a case-by-case basis.  What if a 45 yo childfree started dating a 48yo empty-nester divorcee?  Should they be excluded?  I think if they aren't going to go on and on about the children/grandchildren it's probably not a big deal.  Maybe this is sort of "don't ask, don't tell"ish but I don't think it'd be a huge deal if no one makes it one.  Now if someone in that case went on and on repeatedly about their step-child/step-grandchild I think the group could politely tell them they may not fit in with the group any more.> > 3. Who should enforce the rules?> Should one individual be in charge of maintaining order? If so, how do we choose that person? Should it be a group effort, and how would that work?
 
Difficult question.  My first thought was whoever's the "host" of a particular event, but I'm not sure if that would work OK.
> > 4. What constitutes a CF event?> What would you consider to be a “strictly” childfree event? If it’s posted to the Wiki? Sent to the Childfree mailing list at childfree at lists.robsims.com? Can someone post a non-childfree event to the email list or the Wiki as long as they state it is not childfree? 
I think events posted either to the wiki or the mailing list are by default childfree.  I don't mind people sometimes posting events and stating that they are not necessarily childfree.  In fact, I'd rather go to a party where there's kids than a movie, to be perfectly honest.  (I know several people in the group like kid's movies.  I'm not trying to suggest that that's inappropriate to invite the group to go, but it bugs me to be in a theater with a bunch of kids so I skip the G- or PG-rated ones.  I'm just trying to suggest that I don't think it's the end of the world to sometimes have kids at a party if it's clearly stated ahead of time.)
> 5. Comments/questions > Add any comments/questions here. 
I can see why it's important to keep the group to, by and large, truly folks who are childfree.  One parent in a group of childfree people means the conversation will probably not revolve around kids.  Get a small quorum of parents though, and then all the sudden you know way more than you want to about some aspect or other having to do with kids.  This happened to me with my swimming group to the point where I moved lockers to be near a couple of women who don't have kids.  Conversations there revolve around things like what you're doing this weekend or what trip you just got back from.  Not that I dislike parents, but I could give a flying rat's @ss what teachers at X school are good.  And even if you get a couple of stepparents or non-custodial parents around, that sort of thing is going to come up.
 
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