[Childfree] Childfree discussion

[Keith Schwols]

Okay, I was going to stay out of this (for a bit longer), but I like Kate's reply and wanted to echo it.  I was waiting to see who would mention that we already have the definitions and charter on the group's wiki page.  Since I spent a great deal of time considering and crafting that page when I formed the Colorado Child Free, I think that it provides my answers to Ann's questions.  A couple of points that I would like everyone to consider in our charter.

This is a group for singles and couples who have chosen - for whatever reason - not to have children
 This is our defining statement. I think the only gray area is defining what it means "to have" children.  From my point of view 2 things qualify.  Contributing genetically to the production and raising of a child.  Taking steps for the provision (or 'ownership') of a child (e.g. adoption, verbal commitment of support, etc).  So, Empty Nest'ers would be out.  However, potentially, just dating or be married to a person of child doesn't automatically disqualify you (though if they felt unwelcome or like they don't click with the group, why would you want to be in the group?).  Consider somebody in their 40s marrying a person with a >18 yr child.  They don't have a 'step-child'.  They are not taking legal responsibilities or 'ownership' of raising them.  There is a lot of similar scenarios with partners of non-adult children - too many to pick the nits here.  Also, anyone who has had a baby, but gave it up for adoption.  If they are doing "open" adoption and participating in
 the  raising, they're child'ed.  If they have never seen the child since day, they're not.  Not to be sexist, but considering the difference, you'd never know (and they might never know) if a man impregnated a girl and dashed off.  Adding statement about abortions and miscarriages seems overly 'punishing' (and perhaps militant). 

One thing I did want to make clear when writing our charter about 'choosing not to have children', was that I didn't want Google searchers to think that this might be a support group for people trying to having children but unable for a variety of reasons.  I field at least 1 query per 2-3 months from somebody who is looking for support for being recently (involuntarily) sterilized, miscarried or surviving the death of their child.  We are not that group.

We are a group of adults who all share at least one common desire: we do not wish to have children of our own
  Whenever we're asking if someone 'belongs' in the group, we should consider that statement.

 I would assume (and I know that we have members that haven't made a 100% committed choice to never, ever have children) that if people aren't sharing that desire anymore that they would self-select them ourselves from the group.

I, personally, have more fun at the events we do when we discuss topics and converse in areas totally unrelated to children/parenting (including defining childfree, commenting of why children are bad, why parents are bad, etc).  I don't count the public observations (like "I can't believe they have a 5 year at the bar 11pm on a weekend night), we note it (joke on it) and move on.  However, an entire evening of discussing "Why did YOU choose to be childfree" and "why were superior because we're childfree" bores me.  (And reminds me of the only activity that the DMNK group was doing in the form of a single monthly meet-and-greet dinner)

]<eith
 
If a cute saying or a pretty poster are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job.  The kind robots will be doing soon.






 
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