[Childfree] Childfree discussion

[Kate Martin]

* Who should be in this group? Should we allow parents? Stepparents? Empty 
Nesters?

I would say no to both. I say no to stepparents for many of the same reasons 
that Ann has said, but I would add one more: Because some of them are really 
freaking annoying. Not every stepparent is cool like some of the ones I have 
met. There is one specifically who used to work for the R-H who talks about 
her steppson like he's made of gold and shits roses. She said she's 
childfree because she's never actually birthed a child. BS.

I'd say no to empty nesters also. As Gabi said: “For me I just don't want to 
be spending time in this group with people who currently have little rug 
rats (as Ann mentioned, that defeats the purpose of this group).” I 
personally don't see why an EN would be interested in a group of people who 
choose not to have children.

I am sure there are many nice parents/stepparents/empty nesters if we would 
only get to know them, however, this is not the venue for socializing with 
them.

* What about people who have had a child but gave it up for adoption? Those 
who aborted?

It is highly unlikely that we would ever know, but to be honest, I admire 
these people who have not brought an unwanted child into the world, whether 
it's adopting them out or aborting.I don't think anyone who is pining away 
for an aborted/adopted child would want to be part of this group anyway so I 
doubt it would become an issue.

* Just how childfree is childfree?

I don't really want to get into a “I'm more childfree than thou” argument 
with anyone. I guess if you want we can talk about our sterilization method 
and whoever had it done with a sharp rock and licked a frog for anesthetic 
would win.

* Why should or shouldn’t these people be in this group?

I understand those who want to be non militant about the group, and that we 
should be more welcoming, but I don't want to be so welcoming that the group 
loses its focus. Definitions are clearly posted on the CF wiki. One of the 
main reasons I joined was because of the no stepparent clause.

No offense to any stepparents or empty nesters, I just wouldn't feel 
completely comfortable around them. If I know I am in a CF group, I would 
feel comfortable bitching about my sisters crackmonkeys and not expect to 
get bingos in return, or comments like “That's how children act.” I'm not 
saying I feel that way now. However, I think if we add anything other than 
CF to this group it could completely change the dynamic. There are plenty of 
social groups for parents. There are hardly any for those who are childfree.

* When should a person leave the group?
- If they have a child
- If they marry or move in with someone with a child
- If they adopt a child
- If they cease to have fun for any reason.

* How would we know if their status has changed?

Obviously if they told us, or someone found out. A child drastically changes 
your life, and while I cannot attest to that, I have known many people whose 
lives it has changed,  including my parents.

* Who should enforce the rules?

I personally would have a hard time kicking someone out of a group/bitching 
them out for any reason. I am not a confrontational person unless it's 
through the anonymity of the Internet. So I guess we could enforce rules via 
email.

Seriously though, I would hate to put that responsibility on any one 
person's shoulders. I think everyone here should be sensible enough to know 
the rules and not break them.

* What constitutes a CF event?

If it's posted to the wiki or the list, it is childfree by default unless it 
is otherwise stated.

* Comments/questions

As far as I am aware, the rules are already posted on the childfree wiki. 
The reason I wanted to be in this group is because I didn't want to be 
around anyone whining about children or being judgemental about my choice to 
not have them. I feel that if we allow those into the group that are outside 
of the bounds of the current cf wiki rules, it would be a slippery slope. If 
we let some steps in but not all, why? If we let some empty nesters in but 
not others why? What is the point of calling this a cf group if not everyone 
is cf?

I don't hate kids as much as other people do, however, what is wrong with 
hating them? Shouldn't a CF group be an appropriate venue for those people? 
Should I have to couch my comments with “Oh but I don't hate kids” or worry 
that someone is thinking that? I completely agree with Ann when she said she 
doesn't want to have to monitor everything she says. I also don't want to 
have to deal with drama, yet here we are. We don't really talk about child 
hating much anyway. But when we do, I don't want to moderate what I say. If 
we had a bunch of parents in the group, I doubt I would've said "Look at the 
future poledancer!" when we were on our wine tour and a 5-year-old girl was 
literally stripping on the bar of that restaurant.

I personally want to keep the group's current definitions on the CF wiki. I 
don't see why that was deemed inadequate.

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